Navigating the path of grief and coping with the loss of a loved one is undoubtedly a challenging journey. At Pettigrew, we intimately understand the profound impact of life-altering grief, having experienced it both personally and through the families we care for every day.
We’re here for you now, and we’ll be here in the months and years to come, helping you through it. Grief isn’t something you just finish and leave behind; it’s more like a companion you carry along with you. As you walk through life, it stays with you, surrounded by the growth of new experiences. We’re here to walk this journey with you, providing comfort and support every step of the way. Remember, “You do not walk through grief and come out the other side. It is not something you complete and then leave behind. You walk with it, carrying it all along the way. Life grows around it, but never over it.”
After all, their life and their love changed your life. It should come as no surprise that losing them will do the same.
Supporting someone grieving
Supporting someone through grief requires a delicate touch and a compassionate understanding of the enduring nature of their pain. Grief isn’t a fleeting emotion; it can be an all-encompassing force that lingers for years, and that’s entirely okay.
Providing care means acknowledging this enduring process and offering a patient, non-judgmental presence. However, it’s crucial to be mindful of certain phrases that, although well-intentioned, may unintentionally cause distress. Avoid clichés like ‘They’re in a better place’ or ‘They’re no longer in pain,’ as these may minimise the profound sense of loss. Phrases like ‘I know how you feel,’ ‘everything happens for a reason,’ ‘it could be worse,’ or ‘you need to move on’ often invalidate the unique nature of the individual’s grief.
It’s essential to be present, listen without judgment, and refrain from offering unsolicited advice. As J. Lynn eloquently put it, “no one wants to hear of healing while they’re still pulling the knife from their wound. So please allow me to bury my sorrow. Allow me to grieve. I will join you in the sun another day, but today, I must weep with this rain.”
Supporting a Grieving Friend: A Compassionate Guide
Helping a friend navigate the challenging journey of grief demands an empathetic touch and an understanding that the grieving process is intricate and enduring. It’s not a one-size-fits-all endeavour; rather, it’s an ongoing commitment to offering solace and understanding. Here’s a compassionate guide with key points to keep in mind:
Understanding Grief: Emphasise that grief takes time, and the healing process is gradual. Avoid giving grief a timeline, and don’t pressure them to ‘move on.’ Some grief experiences are life-altering, reshaping how individuals perceive and navigate the world. Everyone processes grief differently and at their own pace. Be patient, understanding that even years later, life will never be the same.
Sustained Presence: Extend your support beyond the immediate aftermath of the service. While many offer help in the initial weeks, grief often intensifies after six weeks and can endure for years. Be a consistent presence as they confront ongoing challenges.
Respecting Their Grief Journey: Refrain from minimising the significance of their loss or fitting it into predetermined notions. Acknowledge the individual impact of every loss, fostering a deeper connection.
Proactive Support: Instead of waiting for them to ask for help, take proactive steps. Offer specific assistance without burdening them with questions like ‘What can I do to help?’ or ‘What do you need?’ Be practical, such as offering to run errands or being a listening ear.
Persistence and Patience: Don’t give up on reaching out, even if they don’t respond immediately. Grieving is a complex process, and they may need time before seeking support again.
What Not to Say and Toxic Positivity: Avoid telling them you understand unless your experiences closely match. Be mindful of toxic positivity, as clichés like “You’ll get through it” or “At least they’re no longer in pain” can limit the depth of connection and hinder the healing process.
Special Occasions and Remembering: Be understanding if they decline invitations during holidays or special days. Grief has no end, and certain times may remain challenging. Don’t hesitate to bring up their loved one’s name; talking about them honours their memory.
Creating a Non-Judgmental Space: Establish a safe, non-judgmental space for your friend to express their emotions without fear of criticism. Grieving is a deeply personal experience, and there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel.
Supporting a grieving friend is a commitment to understanding, patience, and an enduring presence. It involves acknowledging the uniqueness of their grief and adapting your support to their individual needs.
Resources
Mental Health Care Plan. Medicare and your Doctor.
A mental health care plan is a support plan through your GP for those who are struggling with grief, loss and the difficulties of life. The plan covers 10 counselling sessions with a psychologist with Medicare covering a large portion of the cost.
Speak to your GP for more information
MyGrief App
The MyGrief App provides helpful information for coping with grief and loss, as well as ways to support someone who is grieving. The MyGrief questionnaire provides suggested support strategies and tools for looking after yourself after the loss of a loved one.
Download via the Apple App Store or Google Play Store searching “MyGrief”
Lifeline
Lifeline exists to ensure that no person has to face their darkest moments alone. It is through connection that we can find hope. They are available 24 hours a day to listen, without judgement, to any person who is feeling overwhelmed, experiencing crisis, or longs to be heard. Lifeline offers support service via phone, text or online chat. They also provide face to face counselling and bereavement support groups.
Call: 13 11 14 (24/7) | Text: 0477 13 11 14 (6pm-midnight) | lifeline.org.au
I am grieving
Grief is entirely individual, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it—whether shared openly or held in private, embracing change or seeking familiarity. You will have good days and tough days, expect an array of emotions, from moments of strength to unexpected waves of raw emotion. It is sometimes best to think of it as ‘growing with grief’ not moving on. It changes you, but it’s not about erasing the past; it’s about making room for the new you. A more understanding and forgiving you, a stronger and tougher you, a you that carries the pain of loss and embraces the journey.
Physically, grief can manifest in various ways, affecting your energy, appetite, and bring a new mind fog. Support during this journey is essential. Whether from friends, family, or professionals, having someone to lean on can make a significant difference. It’s okay to seek professional help if the weight of grief becomes overwhelming. Therapists and counsellors can provide valuable guidance and a safe space for expression.
As you navigate this terrain, remember that healing is not a linear road; it’s a gentle dance with the soft melodies of grief. Your heartache is unique, seen, and respected. Embrace the process, honour your feelings, and allow yourself the space to grow with grief.
Embracing Grief: A Gentle Journey Through Heartache
In the tender embrace of our own grief and the countless stories shared during our time in the funeral industry, we’ve come to realise that grief is a deeply personal experience. There’s no script, no deadlines, just a gentle ebb and flow that we learn to navigate in our own time. So, here are some heartfelt reflections we’ve gathered, hoping they offer comfort to those navigating this bittersweet journey.
Your Unique Path: Grief is like a fingerprint, entirely personal. There’s no right or wrong way—whether you share openly or keep it private, make changes or seek familiarity. Your journey is a sacred space, and it’s okay to honour it in your own time and way.
Gentle Waves of Emotion: Expect a mix of good and tough days. There will be moments of strength where you feel like you’re finding your way, followed by waves that crash unexpectedly, leaving everything tender and raw. It’s alright to feel the heaviness—real, honest, and true. Grief is not a linear process; emotions can range from sadness and anger to moments of unexpected laughter.
Growing Together: Rather than ‘moving on,’ consider it ‘growing with.’ Grief becomes part of your narrative, woven into your identity. It’s not about leaving pain behind but carrying it with grace, emerging stronger.
Navigating Milestones: Special occasions intensify emotions. Acknowledge the gentle ache leading up to anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays, allowing these moments to be felt and embraced.
A Dual Heartache: Grief wears two faces—one mourns the void in your life, the other aches for the moments your loved one won’t witness; milestones they will miss. It’s a bittersweet union.
Heartfelt Transformations: Grief is a sculptor, moulding and reshaping you. It’s not about erasing who you were before; it’s about embracing the transformation, a testament to the love you shared.
Nurturing Your Solitude: Even with friends and family by your side, grieving is unique. Not everyone grasps the intensity of your pain, so those who do become priceless. Find solace in the companionship of those who comprehend your journey.
Physical Changes: Grieving isn’t just an emotional experience; it can manifest physically. Mind fog, fatigue, appetite changes, or disrupted sleep are common. Acknowledge the mind-body connection during the grieving process.
Support Systems Matter: Whether friends, family, or a grief support group, communicate your needs. Everyone supports differently, and that’s okay.
Seeking Professional Help: It’s okay to seek professional help if the weight of grief becomes overwhelming. Therapists and counsellors can provide valuable guidance and a safe space for expression.
Remember, these insights capture the diverse and complex nature of grief, acknowledging that everyone’s journey is uniquely their own. Be kind to yourself, healing isn’t a linear road. May you find solace in the whispers of shared experiences, knowing that your heartache is heard and honoured.
Resources
Mental Health Care Plan. Medicare and your Doctor.
A mental health care plan is a support plan through your GP for those who are struggling with grief, loss and the difficulties of life. The plan covers 10 counselling sessions with a psychologist with Medicare covering a large portion of the cost.
Speak to your GP for more information
MyGrief App
The MyGrief App provides helpful information for coping with grief and loss, as well as ways to support someone who is grieving. The MyGrief questionnaire provides suggested support strategies and tools for looking after yourself after the loss of a loved one.
Download via the Apple App Store or Google Play Store searching “MyGrief”
Lifeline
Lifeline exists to ensure that no person has to face their darkest moments alone. It is through connection that we can find hope. They are available 24 hours a day to listen, without judgement, to any person who is feeling overwhelmed, experiencing crisis, or longs to be heard. Lifeline offers support service via phone, text or online chat. They also provide face to face counselling and bereavement support groups.
Call: 13 11 14 (24/7) | Text: 0477 13 11 14 (6pm-midnight) | lifeline.org.au
"If I know what love is, it is because of you."